In business, sometimes people will say we have to do things that we don't want to do, that we have a boundary around, for them to work with us.
People will ask us to jump through hoops that we aren't willing to. You may even have someone ask you to do something unethical or immoral.
Someone might ask you to sacrifice your family time for the business and to give everything to them to prove your loyalty.
These are all situations where personal boundaries are being questioned and encroached upon.
Unfortunately, when we allow someone to take down a boundary for them to trust us, like us, or to prove ourselves to them, we show that we can be easily manipulated and that the other person can control the business relationship through manipulation and guilt.
This tone and foundation for any business relationship is a recipe for disaster.
If you grew up in a family or system, say a church or company where boundaries weren't respected, maybe you were taught to lay down your boundaries to receive love or approval from other people.
This is the type of situation I grew up in and have worked in in the past. It has been the most challenging, most valuable journey I've walked to stop being a people pleaser and to stand firm in my boundaries.
To this day, I have people every week asking me to lay down my business boundaries to do business with them.
My answer is always "No," without guilt or shame.
When you learn not to seek other people's approval or worry about their disappointment because of your boundaries, you step into your power.
You show people how to respect you by sticking to your boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are never about controlling other people; they are about what we allow to be around us. If someone isn't willing to respect our boundaries, they don't need to be in our space.
You might say, "Yeah, but I really need to close that sale," or "I need to get that client!" Unfortunately, this thinking has led millions of people to do things they wouldn't usually do to get approval from others.
This is the adult version of peer pressure - when we give in to someone else's desires that violate our standards for them to like us!
We must not allow people to infringe on these personal boundaries. The stronger you get at holding to them and saying "No," without any explanation whatsoever, the more you show people that you value yourself - and in turn, they will value you.
Or they will leave you.
With boundaries, rejection is a good thing because you want people to leave you that can't respect you.
If you don't value yourself, other people won't either.
This is about self-worth and self-image.
When you see yourself for the value that you possess, you won't be able to be pushed around by other people in what they think you "should do" for them.
And here comes the hard truth on this one: many of us don't want to hold to our boundaries because we've previously benefited from laying them down.
Even harder truth: We often benefit from other people laying their boundaries down for us, and we believe that if we hold a certain standard in our lives, we will have to respect other people's boundaries as well.
Yes, you will. Respecting other people's boundaries will be the best thing you ever did in your entire life.
Often, the benefits we gain from encroaching on other people's boundaries and not having them ourselves lead us to lay them down continually.
We allow other people to step all over us to be liked by others or do what we believe is the right thing to do.
Some of us might have been raised that the only right thing to do in life is not to have boundaries. This is a horrible lie that keeps many people stuck in cycles of self-abuse and shame.
Healthy boundaries will change your life. One of the best books I know on this topic is by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, called "Boundaries." You can buy it here with my affiliate link on Amazon: https://amzn.to/387RnMR
Don't sacrifice your boundaries to close a deal or push something through. If you do, you're setting a standard that says you can always be pushed around. This creates an unrealistic expectation for the business relationship.
When you start to get more confident with your boundaries, everything opens up for you in your life and business! It's worth it to do the work to get more effective with your boundaries.