Learning to control your negative thoughts is one of the most valuable skills you can understand.
It's a skill that took me a while to figure out; with some inner healing work, some talk therapy, and a few good books to help me learn about Complex PTSD, I finally overcame these inner demons that had me so gripped for years in fear.
Let me share with you something that happened tonight, just an hour before I wrote this blog post to you to give some context:
Tonight, I made the mistake of breaking a glass jar in our house. It was a lovely jar.
My brain immediately went through a series of self-hatred cycles triggered by emotions, feelings, and ultimately, as I soon discovered, childhood memories.
I immediately was swearing obscenities (in my head) to myself, telling myself how much of a terrible human I was - for breaking a glass jar!
Yeah... How crazy... Do you see how crazy that sounds?
Then, as soon as these emotions hit me, and the self-sabotage cycle began, I realized what was truly going on!
I instantly told myself, "I have total control over this thought."
I'm not experiencing the pain of getting punished for breaking fine china or crystal. I existed in an emotional flashback.
At this moment, I calmed myself down - and realized that I was safe, secure, and not going to get punished.
I also told myself that I was a good, powerful, good enough, loveable person.
I didn't beat myself up for my self-hatred. I forgave myself for how I had cussed myself out just seconds prior and repented of it. I immediately got over it.
All of this happened in a matter of about 2 minutes!
This is what is called a Complex PTSD response, as talked about in Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD" which is triggered by a strong emotional series of repeated events in our childhood.
When we become aware of why we react, we can step out of it and tell ourselves that it's all going to be ok.
I'm writing this blog post to you now, just an hour after these events transpired, to document what controlling our thoughts looks like!
You see, I went from the muscle memory reaction of powerlessness to having total personal power in just 2 minutes.
Previously, years ago, this would've taken me at least a few days to recover from. Working through my issues and getting healing for these pains inside, and creating success strategies when they come up again has revolutionized my life.
Two incredible books on this topic are:
Here are my Amazon affiliate links.
1.) The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. amzn.to/2L5KsvS
2.) Complex PTSD by Pete Walker amzn.to/3o2GBOO
These books helped me a lot in my healing journey, and I think they might help you as well.
If you're someone who beats yourself up for every little thing that happens in your life, check these books out!
We have to love ourselves, even when we make mistakes. You are not a horrible person just because you made a mistake!
We need to treat ourselves with kindness, the kindness we would treat someone else with who also makes mistakes!
We all make mistakes, sometimes big - other times small. There's no excuse or reason to beat ourselves up or be self-hating for these mistakes. I know some of you are reading this may have had a pattern of self-loathing. I believe that you can get help and grow out of it as I did.
Will the moments come back? Yes, just as mine did tonight. But in these moments, you will be able to use your success strategies to not derail for days and instead get right back on track minutes later!
We can all be more powerful than our past - and we can develop strategies to control our thoughts when they go towards negativity.
You are no longer a victim of your past if you so choose. I believe that everyone can grow out of the painful experiences and self-sabotage patterns that they have in their lives to live as powerful people.
Are you ready to be a powerful person? Let's do this together.
I recommend getting professional help on this journey, or at least finding someone you can talk to about these things.
A great site that I know of that has therapy services is: betterhelp.com
A free site that has people you can talk to is: 7cups.com
As we process through our pain and fears, we become more powerful than them. Developing strategies to deal with our thoughts and have control over our emotions changes everything!